What If
by a-proud-fangirl
Summary: What if Hawkeye-sensei had another daughter instead of her? Would he also fall in love with that daughter, or will his heart seek for Riza who is in the body of another girl, who could be in the arms of another man? He couldn't bear to imagine a life without her, he just can't. A one-shot that contains mostly Roy's midnight thoughts. Royai.


**And I'm back. So this story was born in the 'calm before the storm' phase of my college life. I wrote this one quickly, so please forgive me for any mistakes. XD **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, sadly. :( XD**

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Roy Mustang often has what one can call midnight thoughts. He always wakes up at twelve past two, staring at the ceiling of his dark room thinking about everything. Sometimes it is light, like food he wanted to try out. There are times that it is something grave like the Ishval war. But one thing for sure is that there is one constant in Roy's train of thoughts: Riza Hawkeye.

She is always present in Roy's mind that even he himself does not know why. It started way back when he was studying at the Hawkeye residence. He has a list of things he wanted to do with her, and he has scenarios of them – scenarios different from the life they are living. It seems as if his mind is not contented seeing her every day, as if he needs more of her in his life.

To be really honest, most of Roy's thoughts concerning Riza are focused on what ifs. Every phase in their lives has their own set of those. First on the list is their childhood. What if he complimented her long hair back then, would she cut her hair short? Not that it matters, he still loves her no matter what. If he did not help her pick the apples that fell from the paper bag she was carrying on the way home, would he still notice the way the wind blew the blonde hair away from her doe like eyes? He always knew she was beautiful; but on that day, he realized she meant so much more to him than just a pretty face.

Roy's eyes narrowed as he drowned deep into his pool of what ifs. What if he hadn't heard about the military recruitment, would the thought of becoming a soldier enter his mind? Who knows, maybe he would just be an ordinary alchemist instead, and he would never leave Riza alone in her big house. Which makes him wonder that if he stayed there instead, would her father find the chance to tattoo the secrets of flame alchemy on her back? And if Roy hadn't returned when Riza's father died, would Riza be able to manage on her own?

Then maybe it is really his fault that she ended up a soldier. If he hadn't told her of his naïve dreams, then maybe he wouldn't see her on Ishval. Maybe she would have ended up working in town, with someone to love her. She could even be married and have a family of her own. But no, instead of life ending up that way, here they are dancing that sick version of tango with the enemy. Well at least, Roy thinks as he stirs up in his bed, she is with him through all that. He is that damn selfish, a very despicable man indeed.

In all the years they have spent as Colonel and Lieutenant, there are moments wherein Roy wanted to let Riza know that she is the most important person in his life. In the small space between two shelves in the library, what would've happened if he followed his instincts and kissed her? He is very sure that they wouldn't get caught given that those two shelves contain articles about military cases rarely visited. What would have happened the night after the military ball if he was the one who drove her home instead of Jean Havoc? He knows that it is only a friendly gesture, but he can't help but be a little jealous of the fact that she was with another man's company, not him.

The last on his what ifs list are the heavier ones, those that Roy wanted to remove from his mind completely. It may have been a year after the Promised Day, but the image of Riza lying on the pool of her own blood will forever be tainted in his memory. That moment is the most painful one he had ever experienced, and since then Roy fears that if Riza leaves his side she will never return. He always wanted to be by her side, and he wonders what could have happened if she didn't survive. No, Roy does not need to wonder, he already knows. He would have committed the ultimate taboo, or better yet, follow her too into the depths of hell just like what she had promised him before.

The worst thought is yet to come. No matter what they have been through, he can't help but think that he was so damn lucky to have met her. Well, what if he didn't? Would he be still the same man as he is right now? He presumes that Riza is far off better without him, but he needed her. How cruel it is for him to put aside what is best for her for his own intentions. What if Hawkeye-sensei had another daughter instead of her? Would he also fall in love with that daughter, or will his heart seek for Riza who is in the body of another girl, who could be in the arms of another man? He couldn't bear to imagine a life without her, he just can't.

This night turns out to be different than the rest, Roy thinks as he stood up and went to the telephone in his kitchen. He does not know why but he needed to hear her voice. How absurd it is to miss someone whom you last saw yesterday afternoon. Twelve past two, an ungodly hour but here he is about to make a call to someone who is probably sleeping. Where did he get the courage to make this call, he does not know. But he now knows that he should get his act straight, and confess like what he should have done all those years he knew her. As he dialed and waited for Riza to answer, he hopes that the erratic beating of his heart will not wake up his neighbors.

"Hello?" Riza's voice has the hint of sleep.

"Uh, hi?" Roy answered, the front of his hand hitting his forehead.

Her voice became alert. "General! Are you drunk?"

Roy chuckled. "No, I'm not. And please, we're not at work."

He can say that Riza is smiling through the phone. "Okay then. Why did you call?"

Roy realizes that calling her in the middle of the night unprepared is a very stupid idea. What would he say? That he just now is just the time that he decided to confess? He mentally adds this to the reasons why he should get enough sleep.

"Sir? You still there?" Riza's voice shakes him out of his reverie. He notes that she called him Sir much to his dismay.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm here." He replied.

Riza paused for a while before speaking, "You're thinking again."

"I – wait how did you know that?" Surprise is evident in his voice.

"I know you, Roy. And I know what you were thinking just then. I also want you to know that I also do."

"Do? What do you mean by – _oh._" He started to grin like he is crazy, well he is definitely becoming crazy.

"I thought you already know that." Riza said, obviously smiling too like him.

He runs his fingers through his hair. "Maybe I do, but you know me better than I know myself, right?"

She laughs; its melody sweet to his ears. "Yeah I guess so. You need to sleep."

"Alright then," he does not want to put down the phone, but she is right. "Good night, Riza. See you tomorrow."

"Good night, Sir."

"Night."

"Good night."

"Still want to talk? You're not putting down the phone." Roy smiles, he wishes she is right there beside him instead, crazy as it sounds.

"Okay, okay. Good night." Riza says one last time before hanging up.

Roy sighs as he headed back to his own bed. Of course she knows what he feels, and that she feels the same way. Maybe he is right, Riza knows him better than he knows himself, after all.

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**Reviews are loooove. Thank you for reading, and thank you to those who reviewed my other stories. :)**


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